Senator Mitchell does not fly Northwest Airlines

To say that Pedro is a little slow in scooping the Mitchell Report is an understatement. The names have been reported for almost a month now and still we at We Rite Goode stayed mum. Why? Because the angle wasn't right. The big media outfits (known by John Edwards as "the corporate media") immediately latched on to Clemens, Pettitte, and other big names to fill their headlines. 60 Minutes (known by John Edwards as "Corporate 60 Minutes") had an exclusive with the Rocket today. Pedro's favorite quip from Roger:

"If he's doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead," Clemens said, according to a transcript released by CBS. "I should be pulling tractors with my teeth." (MLB.com)

Mr. Clemens may be excused from misunderstanding the effects of the use of steroids. He was raised in Texas after all, where evolution is still just a fad and several people do, in fact, pull tractors with their teeth. Sorry Roger, but HGH is not radioactive -- and moreover, it would be your children who would have 3 ears, not you.

But Pedro digresses. The key to this article is that the Mitchell Report is all a bunch of hooey. Why? Because HGH is out there. It is everywhere. And it is marketed constantly. Especially if you fly Northwest Airlines.

On a recent trip out west, Pedro had the "pleasure" to lose his luggage during a Northwest Airlines flight to Colorado. Not that he is bitter. But more importantly, he had the chance to peruse the latest issue of Northwest Airline's WorldTraveler magazine. While searching for the answer to 24 down on the crossword (as if Pedro is supposed to know Italian fashion designers), he stumbled upon a full-page advertisement from BIE Health Products. At the top, sounding very much like Mike Huckabee (Pedro has the caucuses on the brain!), the ad stated: "Choose Life: Grow Young with HGH."

According to this advertisement, HGH is a veritable Fountain of Youth, as it can reverse baldness and restore hair color, regenerate the immune system, remove wrinkles, and even "reverse hemorrhoids, ...[and] hepatitis C." Quite some claims. BIE even touts the former Senator, astronaut, and all-around bad-ass John Glenn as a user. Well, if this stuff we get Pedro to orbit the earth, then sign him up!

Seriously folks, this company is selling GHR (which it claims to be just as effective as synthetic HGH, but in a pill form rather than by injection) to Northwest travelers, and the website suggests that most users are middle-aged and geriatric folks looking for kooky cures to ailments or ways to get the libido up without Bob Dole's advice. So why all the fuss over the Mitchell Report? More importantly, why didn't these players just call BIE Health instead of using their trainers or even dentists?

posted by Pedro Cerrano @ 22:14,

5 Comments:

At January 7, 2008 at 10:40 AM, Blogger JC said...

Why have I been wasting my time with exercise, vitamins and prayers?

HGH is the answer!

 
At January 7, 2008 at 12:41 PM, Blogger Crucifictorious said...

But did you get your luggage back?

 
At March 4, 2009 at 5:29 PM, Blogger Billy said...

Most ballplayers today are taking homeopathic growth hormone oral spray because it's safe, undetectable, and legal for over the counter sales. As time goes on it seems it might be considered as benign a performance enhancer as coffee, aspirin, red bull, chewing tobacco, and bubble gum.

 
At April 23, 2011 at 12:14 PM, Anonymous Erectile Dysfunction And Viagra said...

I don't know, but I don't waste my time!

 
At April 22, 2017 at 3:20 AM, Blogger Terry Polevoy said...

BIE HEALTH PRODUCTS SUED THE CANADIAN GOV'T IN 2005. IT IS STILL BEFORE THE COURTS V

 

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