Least patriotic moments in sports history
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
So we continue our mission to categorize the most patriotic moments in American sports history. And while we have a final list of our favorites (as well as quite a few also-rans), there are a few dark memories that are best ignored, lest we forget all those things that make America totally awesome.
But mocking them once a year can't hurt, right?
- The U.S. team's 6th place in the 2002 World Basketball Championships. Not surprisingly, most online videos of this
disastertournament are from our opponents' home countries. I'll grant you, those Serbian accents are tough to understand, but I think the announcers sound not only incredibly happy, but also more insightful than Dickie V.
- ...and the U.S.'s bronze medal in the 2004 Summer Olympics. It may be "better than nothing," which the Chad Fords of the world would have you believe is a good thing. And sure, "Better than Nothing!" may be the official slogan of Lichtenstein. But in America, we're all about big, more,
betterbest. If the Founding Fathers had settled for "better than nothing," we'd all be living in Delaware today. And it would still be a boring state.
- American sailing's frequent failure to win an America's Cup. Is there a statute of limitations on this thing? Can we still call it America's Cup when we haven't held it for 15 years? My old college roommate took some of my silverware and I guarantee it wasn't "Crucifictorious's cutlery" for more than a week.
- White Men Can't Jump: If the classic movie was true Ron Shelton ("Bull Durham"), the little-known music video is total David Lynch. Karate, ski jackets, basketballs flying out of the air...whoo. We need someone with a mastery of the unintentional comedy scale to pick this apart.
- Dan vs. Dave: The let-down. You'd think the Reebok executives would've waited until both qualified for the Olympics. You'd think.
- Roddick vs. Federer. Love Andy's big serve, and even the humility, but...man. As noted by one journalist, his performance in the interview was better than the performance in the Australian Open semi-finals this year.
- New Orleans Saints play a "home" game at the NY Giants after Hurricane Katrina. Not only did it rob the Saints, the NFL was cheating the public with this second prime-time season opener.
- Tom Selleck stars in "Mr. Baseball." Apparently, this movie is "beloved" by one member of the WRG writing clan...although someone agrees with our majority, having since edited out some painful dialogue.
- Charles Barkley disses Yao. I love the Chuckster, but proclaiming that the top pick in the draft would't score 19 points in a game all year...well, he got what he deserved.
- Kellen Winslow loses a little perspective. Although, the army could really use another man right about now. Good to know Kellen's already trained up.
We're sure we're missing other embarassing moments for the old US of A (if not creating them ourselves). Feel free to let us know in the comments.
posted by Crucifictorious @ 06:15,
- At July 4, 2007 at 2:27 PM, Doctor Dribbles said...
What happened to Carl Lewis, Roseanne Barr, Cincy mayor (etc.?). Or are you saving them for Least Patriotic Moments: Celebrity Edition?
- At July 5, 2007 at 1:18 AM, With Malice said...
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- At July 5, 2007 at 2:07 AM, With Malice said...
Awesome list guys... and thanks for the link!
I'd think that Michael Vick's getting close to inclusion... perhaps next year!
- At July 6, 2007 at 1:59 PM, Crucifictorious said...
Hah--I definitely meant to include the Carl Lewis clip, but the post was grotesquely long. Plus, I guarantee ESPN has already done worst national anthems or something like it. And we may be blatant copycats at WRG...but we'll never be ESPN knock-offs, so long as I can help it.
Malice, Michael Vick's name came up during discussion, but what can we say--he doesn't embarass us as Americans the same way the others do. Maybe it's because Vick has better shoe commercials...
- At July 8, 2007 at 1:28 AM, CrazyDaddyNet said...
Most disgusting sports event I can think of is the Mexican fans chanting "Osama" when the Americans played them.
- At July 22, 2012 at 2:19 PM, site said...
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