Some Unsolicited Legal Advice for GameBoy, or, The Torts of Sports
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
“I’m taking some action. I’m not going to stand pat and accept this because I didn’t do nothing wrong.”
--- Milton Bradley, aka GameBoy, after suffering a season-ending knee injury during a verbal quarrel with an umpire.
But Mr. Bradley wants to take some action. What action could he take? A criminal suit would be difficult - nothing said by the umpire warrants punishment, which is unjust unless it deters further crimes. One would hold suspect anyone spouting the opinion that an umpire would be deterred from arguing with Mr. Bradley even under penalty of death.
So it should be a civil action. But which? How can Mr. Bradley ever recover for the pain and suffering he has received from this heinous act on the part of the ump? I mean, Milton Bradley never gets injured! He has had, well, one full season since beginning his major league career in 2000. I'm sure I could twist that into being a sterling record of health and service --- just need to find the right jury.
Mr. Bradley certainly hasn't lost any wages - thanks to baseball's wholly equitable and admirably civil payment agreements, Milton will receive pay no matter what happens to him on the field --- so long as he has signed that contract. Ah, the inviability of contract - an American institution. He will certainly be enforcing it if necessary.
So however can I be certain, as a fair and just counsel, that I help Mr. Bradley get his fair restitution for this unspeakable incident? We shall rely on torts. Was it battery? That would be tough to prove, though I would certainly argue for the close relationship between umpire and home plate (which he grooms between innings) to assert a connection with first base as well (the instigator of this terrible set of events). But what if the jury fails to see what I find so readily obvious? Perhaps we shall resort to negligence. The umpire failed to follow his inherent duty of reasonable care in his verbal tussle with Mr. Bradley, thus creating a situation of risk that led to the ACL injury. Did the umpire owe a duty to Mr. Bradley? Certainly - the umpire is the caretaker of the field, and correspondingly of the players that grace said field with their presence (in the opinion of Mr. Bradley).
Yes, Mr. Bradley, I will be able to assert your claims and, God willing, be successful in my attempts to uphold virtue and good ol' American litigiousness to bring about a just and equitable result for you in this tragic turn of events. Please call soon.
posted by Pedro Cerrano @ 16:19,
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