Man wants world to know he has giant box of porn


We're a nation of packrats, especially when it comes to sports stuff. Nearly every fan's collected something, whether it was the free Cal Ripken posters in the newspaper or classic Sports Illustrated covers.

But even as tiny tots, we could never stomach our collection playing second fiddle to anyone else’s, let alone not being unique. Who wanted to have the exact same Starting Lineup figures as dorky neighbor Joey? Not us. It’s a habit that has followed us over the years.

Take 1989, when we heard about Jimmy Chitwood's massive baseball card collection and realized he’d basically cornered the market. Frustrated, we stuck to finding every single Garbage Pail Kid instead--and trust us, Adam Bomb and Valerie Vomit age a bit less impressively than, say, a Junior Griffey rookie card.

Or in 2005, when we learned about one Redskins super-fan's insane collection of team paraphernalia, which had become "his whole life." Not that we were going to collect Redskins stuff anyway--we hate Dan Snyder and all he stands for--but the news further served to keep us away.

And in 2006, when we read about Arenas getting into the jersey-collecting business and promptly threw up our hands. What next? We gracefully ended our flirtation with the habit and returned the Unseld throwback jersey, price tag uncut.

(About the only time we ever out-collected our peers was in third grade, as no one else in class could represent the entire American League entirely via ice cream mini-helmets. Not coincidentally, we were tubby little bastards).

But, as we learned from the news wire yesterday, there’s one collection we’ll never be able to compete with. Honestly, we're retiring from the game right now. Just a truly exceptional feat of collecting that many young, sports-loving males can relate to. Only one problem: The police don’t want to return the guy’s giant stash of porn.

SAN RAFAEL, Calif.-- A man recently jailed for secretly videotaping a woman and a teenage girl has sued a police department for the return of his massive porn collection taken during the investigation. Dennis Saunders, 59, filed suit after the department refused to give back some 500 pornographic movies and 250 magazines his lawyer described as unrelated to the peeping case.


The Smoking Gun has done the world a tremendous service by posting snippets from the 40-page police report, which the cops had to love filing. Among Mr. Saunders’ collection, we found classics like "NYPD Nude," "Muffmania" (‘01 through ‘04), and the especially naughty "Maxell Video Head Cleaner."

(Yes, we feel dirty just writing this.)

Strictly speaking, we couldn’t find much in Mr. Saunders’ story that was sports-related, although we have some concerns that “Northwest Amateurs” shares too much information about Greg Oden, Josh McRoberts, and rest of the young Portland Trailblazers. And we’re reasonably confident that Fred Smoot and Daunte Culpepper were guest speakers at Muffmania ’04.

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posted by Crucifictorious @ 17:37,

3 Comments:

At September 5, 2007 at 11:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm not sure why this is on ballhype...or why i just read it...but i will agree--you write good.

 
At September 6, 2007 at 12:50 PM, Blogger Jarrett Carter said...

500 movies?

I don't think I've seen 500 films, let alone 500 pro flicks.

 
At September 25, 2007 at 5:22 PM, Blogger Tv-Addict said...

hahaha excellent story. Did he ever get his stash back? lol

 

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