Not to get ahead of ourselves...

Pedro enjoys the Tribe. There - it's out in the open, as if it wasn't crystal clear before. And Pedro does not want to get ahead of himself (nor does he wish to keep writing like Bob Dole would)...
...but with a 3-1 series lead on the BoSox now, the Indians are looking to be in good shape to head to the World Series to play the surprising Colorado Rockies.

Disclaimer: Again, I am not getting ahead of myself. The Indians still need to beat Boston, which is no small task. But in the interest of writing this story while the ideas are fresh in my mind, I shall pen it now.

Okay, I recall vividly watching Joe Table implode in Game 7 of the 1997 World Series. For those scoring at home, I do not hate Jose Mesa for that, as many in Cleveland do. He did, after all, save about a million games that season, and everyone has bad nights sometimes. Poor timing? Yes. Awful person? Yes - but not for that game. More for the off-field conduct... But I digress.

Anyway, as I was saying, the Tribe lost that series. To whom? The Florida Marlins.

I know, I know - I had forgotten they still had a team too, just like all the "fans" in south Florida. Point it, the Tribe, a storied franchise with a long and fabled history of reminding Americans of our terrible treatment of the first inhabitants of this land, lost to a freakin' expansion franchise. Lame.

And now, here they are - one win away from meeting the other franchise that came along with the Marlins.

So... since this writer knows nothing about the NL, aka, AAAA baseball, it is time for a SERIOUS comparison of the two teams - head to head, on all the crucial points no fan should miss!

1) DIFFICULTY IN PRONOUNCING PLAYERS' NAMES
--- Advantage: Colorado
Their catching corps is bad enough - Torrealba and Iannetta. Throw in Tulowitzki and the whooping-cough like Hawpe and you have a mouthful. Cleveland is far more tame, with the likes of Blake, Garko, and Lewis. Sad really.

2) BEER
--- Advantage: Cleveland
Oh sure, the Rockies have the crisp, clear taste of the mountains. But give me a break - Coors is like dirty soda water. What a terrible excuse for beer. Cleveland is certainly no Milwaukee, though they played 3 home games there this season, but there are a few fine microbrews.

3) APPEAL TO THE FEMALES
--- Advantage: Cleveland
Grady Sizemore.

Alone, he compensates for Travis Hafner and Paul Byrd. But what a pair of games he's pitched...

4) ABILITY TO PLAY AT ZERO GRAVITY
--- Advantage: Colorado
It's that mountain air, you know? I'm sure this is the next "big idea" Selig has up his sleeve.

5) AGE BEFORE BEAUTY
--- Advantage: Cleveland
One word... er, two words. Kenny Lofton. Is he old? Hell yes he's old! Just about as old as those freakin' DHL commercials featuring him are by now. But he's itching for a win. And he's never wrong by the way. No, Kenny Lofton never strikes out - the ump just passes out for a second and raises his arm to call strike 3. Kenny can do no wrong. But I still love the guy.

More importantly, he has single handedly gotten my wife into watching baseball. You'd think it would be Grady and, yes, she would very much like to meet him for a nice dinner and a movie. But there is something in Kenny's swagger that appeals to my wife; and while a 162 game season seems utterly meaningless to her (wonder why?), she has finally found a passion in post-season baseball and has turned her back on her mother's KC Royals (again, wonder why?) and embraced the Tribe like no other. Makes me a happy man.

And there you have it folks. All the points you could possibly need to know.

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posted by Pedro Cerrano @ 00:14,

2 Comments:

At October 17, 2007 at 3:41 PM, Blogger Jarrett Carter said...

Albert Belle's best years are still ahead of him.

Let's all remember that when the Indians are celebrating their Series victory.

 
At October 18, 2007 at 6:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

has there ever been a more boring World Series than Indians-Rockies?

 

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