Wishful thinking: NBA Southwest Division preview

If you've somehow missed all the NBA previews--or are simply jonesin' for more--top bloggers helped We Rite Goode boil the season down to a few catchy soundbites that can be used to impress at cocktail parties or keggers. After you've read our methodology here, get acquainted with the league's strongest division below.

1. San Antonio Spurs
Liston Von Culbertson, Introducing Liston/Epic Carnival

What they need to do to make me happy: They need to go 98-0. Tony Parker needs to not be French anymore. Manu Ginobilli needs to continue being so super bad ass. It'd also be cool if I ran into Tim Duncan while I was riding the bus to work. I wouldn't try to get his autograph because I would be too nervous, but I would try to brush up against his balls with the back of my hand. I'm not gay, but I'd do that, big time.

Reasoning: Well, cause they rock tits, hardcore. Does it get more analytical than that? Also, I have a theory that Tim Duncan's sweat smells like championships and MVPs. Everytime I ride a bus my balls sweat, so that'd probably be the best place to try and test my theory.

2. Dallas Mavericks
Wes, Mavs Moneyball
What they need to do to make me happy: 16 wins - all in the playoffs.

Reasoning
: After last season, all Mavs fans are over the regular season. The playoffs are all that matter now.

3. Houston Rockets
Trey Jones, I Ball For Real

What they need to do to make me happy
: Win 55-60 games, advance to the second round for the first time since I was 11, vanquish the evil Spurs/Mavericks/Suns, and get to at least the WC finals.

Reasoning: GM Daryl Morey was making moves like he was in Dynasty mode on NBA Live, improving the positions we sorely lacked (sucked?) at, PG and PF, bringing in Luis Scola, Steve Francis, Mike James, and Aaron Brooks (the talented one).

4. New Orleans (Formerly New Orleans/Oklahoma City) (Formerly Formerly Charlotte) Hornets
Zeb Benbrook, AdonalObsessed

What they need to do to make me happy: Win 50 games, get to Western Conference Semi-Finals, Adam Haluska in Rookie-Sophmore game, Chris Paul in the All-Star game (Playstation skills challenge doesn't count.)

Reasoning
: Last year, this team was really poised to do something great. All the pieces fit, we were winning games, and then Peja goes down. And then David West goes down. And then Chris Paul goes down. And then Bobby Jackson goes down. And even Tyson Chandler goes down. Before you knew it, Marc Jackson was starting at Center and Devin Brown was holding it down at Shooting Guard. Yeah, it was bad. So, in truth, the only reason we were out of the playoffs...was injuries. With a quick upgrade at SG (Mo Pete over D-Mase), a replacement for the Ball hogging of Pargo (Haluska), a almost developed Chandler backup (Armstrong) and yet another project in the wings (Wright) we look to get things going.


5. The Boys from Beale Street – The Memphis Grizzlies
Spartacus, Shades of Blue

What they need to do to make me happy: Win 35 games, develop chemistry while adapting to Marc Iavaroni’s new system, generate enough positive buzz to bring back some of the disgruntled fan base, make a commitment to developing/nurturing the young talent. Having Rudy Gay display more than just flashes of his unreal talent would make me ecstatic.

Reasoning: The organization suffered through a horrific season last year, so they need to show some progress to the fan base to bring some of them back into the fold. Making significant strides towards returning to the playoffs would be a big step in the direction. Since Rudy is considered a key cog of the future, having him develop would be another big reason to keep hope for the outlook of the franchise.

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posted by Crucifictorious @ 14:12,

3 Comments:

At October 30, 2007 at 3:56 PM, Blogger Ty Keenan said...

It's quite clearly going to be very difficult for anyone to top Liston's preview.

 
At October 30, 2007 at 4:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AGREED. LISTON IS A GENIUS. A FREAK, BUT A GENIUS FREAK.

 
At October 30, 2007 at 4:24 PM, Blogger Crucifictorious said...

...and that was only the first half of his preview.

 

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