Getting real: NBA Southwest Division preview
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
If you've somehow missed all the NBA previews--or are simply jonesin' for more--top bloggers helped We Rite Goode boil the season down to a few catchy soundbites that can be used to impress at cocktail parties or keggers. After you've read our methodology here, get acquainted with the league's strongest division below.
Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: They will go 96-3. It's a lock, baby. You heard it here first. They will lose the first three games of the season and then win 96 straight. Tim Duncan will be elected President of the Solar System and Manu Ginobilli will get me pregnant. Oh yeah.
Reasoning: Once again, because they rock tits, hardcore. And it would be dope if I was the first guy to get pregnant. Manu and I would have some type of hybrid super basketball baby. He would have two times the amount of necessary chromosomes which means two times the amount of ass-kickery. I mean, it's science.
2. Dallas Mavericks
Wes, Mavs Moneyball
Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: 59 wins, lose in the conference finals.
Reasoning: Dallas will take it a little bit easier in the regular season this year. As a result, they'll make it further in the postseason, but once again the lack of post presence on offense will come back to haunt them.
3. Houston Rockets
Trey Jones, I Ball For Real
Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: Finally get past the Dallas-choke zone (first round), push DAL/SA/PHX to 7 games in the semis or the finals, get every Houstonian's hopes up, and lose (followed by a tearful McGrady press conference).
Reasoning: This is the first year with this team as a whole, so a championship might be a slight stretch. Plus, Rick Adelman is coaching, so a playoff collapse is always imminent.
Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: 42 wins, 8th seed, first round knockout. Chris Paul makes the All-Star game.
Reasoning: Peja is looking like Shaq out there, he might never fully recover from his back surgery. It is inevitable that Paul or someone else important will get injured, and it reamins to be seen how many fans will show up to games in New Orleans.
2. Dallas Mavericks
Wes, Mavs Moneyball
Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: 59 wins, lose in the conference finals.
Reasoning: Dallas will take it a little bit easier in the regular season this year. As a result, they'll make it further in the postseason, but once again the lack of post presence on offense will come back to haunt them.
3. Houston Rockets
Trey Jones, I Ball For Real
Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: Finally get past the Dallas-choke zone (first round), push DAL/SA/PHX to 7 games in the semis or the finals, get every Houstonian's hopes up, and lose (followed by a tearful McGrady press conference).
Reasoning: This is the first year with this team as a whole, so a championship might be a slight stretch. Plus, Rick Adelman is coaching, so a playoff collapse is always imminent.
4. New Orleans (Formerly New Orleans/Oklahoma City) (Formerly Formerly Charlotte) Hornets
Zeb Benbrook, AdonalObsessedForget what they need to do; here's what they will do: 42 wins, 8th seed, first round knockout. Chris Paul makes the All-Star game.
Reasoning: Peja is looking like Shaq out there, he might never fully recover from his back surgery. It is inevitable that Paul or someone else important will get injured, and it reamins to be seen how many fans will show up to games in New Orleans.
5. The Boys from Beale Street – The Memphis Grizzlies
Spartacus, Shades of Blue
Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: Win 37 games, lose enough close games to miss the playoffs and wind up 9th or 10th in the West. Gasol will make the All-Star team as a reserve and actually score a point this time, unlike his last appearance. They’ll also trade Damon Stoudamire mid-season once Kyle Lowry and Mike Conley Jr. prove that they are capable of leading the team.
Reasoning: There are a few teams that are evidently worse off than Memphis (Minnesota, Portland, Seattle, L.A. Clippers) and a couple of more that don’t appear to be much, if any, better than the Grizzlies (Sacramento, L.A. Lakers, Golden State, New Orleans). Because of that, I think the 7th – 11th spots in the West will be separated by only 5 or 6 games, which means that if the Grizzlies step up, find a go-to scorer and come together as a new team under a new coach, they could be in the thick of things. Their attention to defense will be one of the main keys to their success, since they neglected to play any last year.
Labels: AdonalObsessed, Dallas Mavericks, Houston Rockets, I Ball For Real, Introducing Liston, Mavs Moneyball, Memphis Grizzlies, NBA preview, New Orleans Hornets, San Antonio Spurs, Shades of Blue
posted by Crucifictorious @ 16:22,
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Wishful thinking: NBA Southwest Division preview
If you've somehow missed all the NBA previews--or are simply jonesin' for more--top bloggers helped We Rite Goode boil the season down to a few catchy soundbites that can be used to impress at cocktail parties or keggers. After you've read our methodology here, get acquainted with the league's strongest division below.
1. San Antonio Spurs
Liston Von Culbertson, Introducing Liston/Epic Carnival
What they need to do to make me happy: They need to go 98-0. Tony Parker needs to not be French anymore. Manu Ginobilli needs to continue being so super bad ass. It'd also be cool if I ran into Tim Duncan while I was riding the bus to work. I wouldn't try to get his autograph because I would be too nervous, but I would try to brush up against his balls with the back of my hand. I'm not gay, but I'd do that, big time.
Liston Von Culbertson, Introducing Liston/Epic Carnival
What they need to do to make me happy: They need to go 98-0. Tony Parker needs to not be French anymore. Manu Ginobilli needs to continue being so super bad ass. It'd also be cool if I ran into Tim Duncan while I was riding the bus to work. I wouldn't try to get his autograph because I would be too nervous, but I would try to brush up against his balls with the back of my hand. I'm not gay, but I'd do that, big time.
Reasoning: Well, cause they rock tits, hardcore. Does it get more analytical than that? Also, I have a theory that Tim Duncan's sweat smells like championships and MVPs. Everytime I ride a bus my balls sweat, so that'd probably be the best place to try and test my theory.
2. Dallas Mavericks
Wes, Mavs Moneyball
What they need to do to make me happy: 16 wins - all in the playoffs.
Reasoning: After last season, all Mavs fans are over the regular season. The playoffs are all that matter now.
3. Houston Rockets
Trey Jones, I Ball For Real
What they need to do to make me happy: Win 55-60 games, advance to the second round for the first time since I was 11, vanquish the evil Spurs/Mavericks/Suns, and get to at least the WC finals.
Reasoning: GM Daryl Morey was making moves like he was in Dynasty mode on NBA Live, improving the positions we sorely lacked (sucked?) at, PG and PF, bringing in Luis Scola, Steve Francis, Mike James, and Aaron Brooks (the talented one).
What they need to do to make me happy: Win 50 games, get to Western Conference Semi-Finals, Adam Haluska in Rookie-Sophmore game, Chris Paul in the All-Star game (Playstation skills challenge doesn't count.)
Reasoning: Last year, this team was really poised to do something great. All the pieces fit, we were winning games, and then Peja goes down. And then David West goes down. And then Chris Paul goes down. And then Bobby Jackson goes down. And even Tyson Chandler goes down. Before you knew it, Marc Jackson was starting at Center and Devin Brown was holding it down at Shooting Guard. Yeah, it was bad. So, in truth, the only reason we were out of the playoffs...was injuries. With a quick upgrade at SG (Mo Pete over D-Mase), a replacement for the Ball hogging of Pargo (Haluska), a almost developed Chandler backup (Armstrong) and yet another project in the wings (Wright) we look to get things going.
2. Dallas Mavericks
Wes, Mavs Moneyball
What they need to do to make me happy: 16 wins - all in the playoffs.
Reasoning: After last season, all Mavs fans are over the regular season. The playoffs are all that matter now.
3. Houston Rockets
Trey Jones, I Ball For Real
What they need to do to make me happy: Win 55-60 games, advance to the second round for the first time since I was 11, vanquish the evil Spurs/Mavericks/Suns, and get to at least the WC finals.
Reasoning: GM Daryl Morey was making moves like he was in Dynasty mode on NBA Live, improving the positions we sorely lacked (sucked?) at, PG and PF, bringing in Luis Scola, Steve Francis, Mike James, and Aaron Brooks (the talented one).
4. New Orleans (Formerly New Orleans/Oklahoma City) (Formerly Formerly Charlotte) Hornets
Zeb Benbrook, AdonalObsessedWhat they need to do to make me happy: Win 50 games, get to Western Conference Semi-Finals, Adam Haluska in Rookie-Sophmore game, Chris Paul in the All-Star game (Playstation skills challenge doesn't count.)
Reasoning: Last year, this team was really poised to do something great. All the pieces fit, we were winning games, and then Peja goes down. And then David West goes down. And then Chris Paul goes down. And then Bobby Jackson goes down. And even Tyson Chandler goes down. Before you knew it, Marc Jackson was starting at Center and Devin Brown was holding it down at Shooting Guard. Yeah, it was bad. So, in truth, the only reason we were out of the playoffs...was injuries. With a quick upgrade at SG (Mo Pete over D-Mase), a replacement for the Ball hogging of Pargo (Haluska), a almost developed Chandler backup (Armstrong) and yet another project in the wings (Wright) we look to get things going.
5. The Boys from Beale Street – The Memphis Grizzlies
Spartacus, Shades of Blue
What they need to do to make me happy: Win 35 games, develop chemistry while adapting to Marc Iavaroni’s new system, generate enough positive buzz to bring back some of the disgruntled fan base, make a commitment to developing/nurturing the young talent. Having Rudy Gay display more than just flashes of his unreal talent would make me ecstatic.
Reasoning: The organization suffered through a horrific season last year, so they need to show some progress to the fan base to bring some of them back into the fold. Making significant strides towards returning to the playoffs would be a big step in the direction. Since Rudy is considered a key cog of the future, having him develop would be another big reason to keep hope for the outlook of the franchise.
Labels: AdonalObsessed, Dallas Mavericks, Houston Rockets, I Ball For Real, Introducing Liston, Mavs Moneyball, Memphis Grizzlies, New Orleans Hornets, San Antonio Spurs, Shades of Blue
posted by Crucifictorious @ 14:12,
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