Getting real: NBA Southwest Division preview

If you've somehow missed all the NBA previews--or are simply jonesin' for more--top bloggers helped We Rite Goode boil the season down to a few catchy soundbites that can be used to impress at cocktail parties or keggers. After you've read our methodology here, get acquainted with the league's strongest division below.

1. San Antonio Spurs
Liston Von Culbertson, Introducing Liston/Epic Carnival

Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: They will go 96-3. It's a lock, baby. You heard it here first. They will lose the first three games of the season and then win 96 straight. Tim Duncan will be elected President of the Solar System and Manu Ginobilli will get me pregnant. Oh yeah.

Reasoning: Once again, because they rock tits, hardcore. And it would be dope if I was the first guy to get pregnant. Manu and I would have some type of hybrid super basketball baby. He would have two times the amount of necessary chromosomes which means two times the amount of ass-kickery. I mean, it's science.

2. Dallas Mavericks
Wes, Mavs Moneyball

Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: 59 wins, lose in the conference finals.

Reasoning: Dallas will take it a little bit easier in the regular season this year. As a result, they'll make it further in the postseason, but once again the lack of post presence on offense will come back to haunt them.

3. Houston Rockets
Trey Jones, I Ball For Real

Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: Finally get past the Dallas-choke zone (first round), push DAL/SA/PHX to 7 games in the semis or the finals, get every Houstonian's hopes up, and lose (followed by a tearful McGrady press conference).

Reasoning: This is the first year with this team as a whole, so a championship might be a slight stretch. Plus, Rick Adelman is coaching, so a playoff collapse is always imminent.

4. New Orleans (Formerly New Orleans/Oklahoma City) (Formerly Formerly Charlotte) Hornets
Zeb Benbrook, AdonalObsessed

Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: 42 wins, 8th seed, first round knockout. Chris Paul makes the All-Star game.

Reasoning: Peja is looking like Shaq out there, he might never fully recover from his back surgery. It is inevitable that Paul or someone else important will get injured, and it reamins to be seen how many fans will show up to games in New Orleans.

5. The Boys from Beale Street – The Memphis Grizzlies
Spartacus, Shades of Blue

Forget what they need to do; here's what they will do: Win 37 games, lose enough close games to miss the playoffs and wind up 9th or 10th in the West. Gasol will make the All-Star team as a reserve and actually score a point this time, unlike his last appearance. They’ll also trade Damon Stoudamire mid-season once Kyle Lowry and Mike Conley Jr. prove that they are capable of leading the team.

Reasoning: There are a few teams that are evidently worse off than Memphis (Minnesota, Portland, Seattle, L.A. Clippers) and a couple of more that don’t appear to be much, if any, better than the Grizzlies (Sacramento, L.A. Lakers, Golden State, New Orleans). Because of that, I think the 7th – 11th spots in the West will be separated by only 5 or 6 games, which means that if the Grizzlies step up, find a go-to scorer and come together as a new team under a new coach, they could be in the thick of things. Their attention to defense will be one of the main keys to their success, since they neglected to play any last year.

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posted by Crucifictorious @ 16:22,

4 Comments:

At October 30, 2007 at 10:47 PM, Anonymous Corenthal said...

So basically, Liston is the smartest person in the world?

 
At October 30, 2007 at 11:21 PM, Blogger Crucifictorious said...

He's conquering the net, one sports blog at a time.

 
At October 31, 2007 at 10:25 AM, Blogger Jarrett Carter said...

My fantasy roster is going to rock for sure this year.

Much love, WRG.

 
At October 31, 2007 at 10:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does Liston do parties?

 

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